MPAA Rating: R/Genre: Horror/Stars: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin, Dan Byrd, Tom Bower, Billy Drago, Robert Joy, Ted Levine, Desmond Askew, Ezra Buzzington, Michael Bailey Smith, Laura Ortiz, Maisie Camilleri Preziosi, Greg Nicotero, Ivana Turchetto, Judith Jane Vallette, Adam Perrell/Runtime: 106 minutes

I think it is safe to start this review off by telling you a fact about the world of movie magic that you may or may not already know. That being that it is extremely rare for a remake of a film to ever be as good, let alone better, than the original cinematic take on the story in question. Indeed there are many reasons why this is often the case ranging from “the original was perfect just the way it was therefore any remake was just going to be a waste of time from the start” all the way to “the director of the remake didn’t really try to bring anything new to the table and as such the finished product felt less like a film and more like a one-note retread that the best part of was when the ending credits finally showed up” and quite a few reasons in between that all make for reasons that are compelling yet also do get thrown around quite a bit and sometimes rather unfairly. With that in mind though, it should be said that even though it is, as previously stated, extremely rare for a remake of a slice of cinema to be as good if not better that by no stretch of the imagination means that it is a feat that is downright impossible. In fact, I would say that there are some remakes out there that I would without question hold side by side to the original with a smile on my face and a mixture of satisfaction and pride in my soul. A claim that I feel not only can be applied to such iconic examples as the 1982 take on The Thing, the 1978 stab at Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 2010’s gonzo yet glorious Piranha 3D, and maybe (an argument could be made either way to be honest) the 2021 adaptation of Dune, but also to the 2006 take, and slice of cinema I happen to be reviewing for you today dear reader, on Wes Craven’s iconic 2nd film as a horror director The Hills Have Eyes. Yes I know that there are people out there (myself included) who love the original with a passion and who consider it to be a vastly underrated entry in the log of horror cinema. With that in mind though, it cannot and should not be denied that the remake from 2006 is by no means a slap in the face to the original nor is it a stain on that film’s legacy. Rather, I would say that in its own distinct way it actually manages to stand on its own two feet and be quite the fairly nightmarish cinematic journey in its own right. To be sure, this film is by no means perfect, but even so it should be said that with the aid of fairly taut and thrilling work on both sides of the camera that the 2006 Hills Have Eyes is definitely one journey that might not sneak up on you in the way the original did nor will it leave you with some truly intriguing concepts to ponder yet it still manages to leave a decent size impact on you, the viewer all the same.

The plot is as follows: Taking us into the vast, isolated, and sweltering deserts of New Mexico, the 2006 take on The Hills Have Eyes gets underway as we find ourselves witnessing a trio of scientists coming under assault and subsequently being butchered by….something which then proceeds to haul their bodies off. In the fairly immediate aftermath of this particular incident, we are soon introduced to the slightly dysfunctional family unit whom we will be following for the duration of the picture. This family unit consists of retired member of that distinct community known as law enforcement patriarch Bob Carter, his wife/family matriarch Ethel, their trio of kids Lynn, Brenda, and Bobby, Lynn’s more than slightly dweeby hubbie Doug whom Bob more than slightly looks down on, Lynn and Doug’s infant child Catherine, and the family German Shepherds Beauty and Beast respectively. We soon learn that the reason our anti-Brady Bunch are out here in the middle of the desert isn’t because they’re lost nor is it because they didn’t have the budget for even Spirit Airlines. Rather, it’s because Bob and Ethel are celebrating their silver wedding anniversary with their family by traveling to California and apparently no family that wants to seriously bond decides to simply fly to California; instead, they drive through miles and miles of sweltering desert with a trailer that has a consistently on the fritz AC and bicker with one another (or something to that effect). As “delightful” and “magical” as this family trip has been however, we soon see that things are about to take a turn for the nightmarish. A turn that starts when they stop at a far off the beaten path gas station and the attendant/owner tells them about a shortcut through the desert hills that should save them some time in getting to where they need to go. Now in the real world this would be the part where the family uses their little grey cells, sees that this might not be the best idea, says no thank you, and goes about their lives. Sadly, this isn’t that story and we see that shortly after the family embarks on the shortcut that their tires are shredded by a buried spike strip which turn causes them to crash and total their truck. As bad as this situation already is however, we see that things (surprise surprise) are about to get worse. This is because, in case you hadn’t put two and five together dear reader, our dysfunctional family isn’t exactly alone out here in the middle of the desert and soon enough it isn’t long before what started out as a simple family road trip that Clark Griswold would approve of will turn into a horrific battle for no more or less than pure survival……

Now right off, it is worth noting that the work behind the camera on this particular cinematic stroll down nightmare lane really isn’t all that bad. This starts with the work done at the helm by Alexandre Aja as we see that Aja is able to bring a level of not only enthusiasm and perceptiveness, but also viscerality that is genuinely incredible to say nothing of respectable to the film. This is definitely the case when it comes to this man’s skill in really aiming to send a solid shiver or 5 down your spine whilst also making gore hounds smile with glee. I say this because this film is definitely a wee bit gorier than the original as not only are we shown cruelty to animals that at the initial time of release surely had PETA screaming foul, but also there are a lot of moments where our besieged family and their assailants are on the receiving end of some truly heinous acts of violence as well. Suffice it to say that this film is very much a delightful waking nightmare that will make maybe even a few seasoned veterans of horror cinema look for a bag whilst the helmer throws everything but the blood-soaked kitchen sink at the audience. Along with that, Aja also manages to do a good job at utilizing his helming style to such moments including those involving the gas station owner/attendant which as a result conjures up a vibe of unease that manages to permeate the entire film right from the word go. Besides that however, we also see that this take on the story also does a wonderful job of instilling in the viewer an excruciating sense of isolation due in no small part to the fact that the film places you smack dab in the middle of the desert where you, alongside the characters, are quick to discover there is no hope in sight and the only aid around is that which you provide yourself. We also see that, even though he was given the chance to fiddle with the original’s script, Aja and his writing partner choose to instead have their take play out fairly close to how the original did. Yet even though this creative decision is sure to ruffle a few feathers, there is one element that this film does distinguish itself in regards to and that would be in how it handles the main antagonistical group. Indeed, without going into spoilers, whilst we do get more of a chance to interact with them in this film, the film also makes the choice to slash their amount of dialogue thus increasing their ability to scare us and putting more of an emphasis on them as bonafide nightmare fodder rather than just making them seem creepy and weird yet malevolent only because the film called for it. Indeed, if there is any element where this film does stumble it would have to be in regards to the tempo of the movie. Indeed this film really does stretch out the unease of what is assailing our family of heroes a bit too long to such an extent that the movie even slows down again after it’s revved up in order to reacquire the suspenseful atmosphere. As a result though, all this does is make the audience get antsy and want things to start moving forward again. We also see that this film also is guilty of having its characters make such boneheaded decisions that you shouldn’t be surprised if there are moments where you find yourself applauding when the villains of the piece butcher the heroes left and right.  Even with that in mind though, there is no denying that, when also taking into account a delightfully spine-tingling musical accompaniment, the work done behind the camera is certainly more than competent in delivering exactly what the audience has come for and then some.

Of course, the other component that helps this slice and dice of horror cinema work on the level that it is able to would have to undoubtedly come in the form of the performances given by the undeniably talented cast of players in front of the camera. This starts with Aaron Stanford in the role of Doug and he’s honestly pretty good. Not just in the early going moments where he’s acting like a bit of a whiny dweeb if we’re being honest, but especially when events in the film have transformed him, in a very Dustin Hoffman in Straw Dogs-kind of manner, into someone who winds up having to become almost as brutal and animalistic as those who have assailed him and his loved ones in order to get through this waking nightmare let alone survive. Yes he does make his fair share of stupid choices as the movie goes on, but there is no denying that the good in this performance definitely outweighs the bad. We also get a good, albeit underutilized, turn here from wonderful character actor Ted Levine in the role of Big Bob Carter. Indeed take the no-nonsense character of Stottlemeyer from Monk, but have him transfer to and eventually retire from the police force in Cleveland plus marry and have 3 kids yet get to keep his very thick moustache and you have a great frame of reference to start with this character. No he doesn’t get nearly as much screentime as an actor of his caliber deserves, but it should still be said that Levine does a great job with every minute of screentime he is given. We also get a good performance here from Kathleen Quinlan in the role of family matriarch Ethel. Indeed I have always enjoyed Quinlan’s work as an actress with particular regard to such gems as Apollo 13, The Doors, Event Horizon, and Breakdown, and here she does a great job at mixing a bit of snarky humor alongside maternal love and devotion to her kids that helps make what could have been a one-note character a bit more compelling. That and, without going into spoilers, her final scene in this movie is genuinely heartbreaking. Suffice it to say that when you also manage to incorporate fairly good efforts from such talents as Vinessa Shaw, Emile de Ravin (Claire Littleton on Lost), Dan Bryd, a wonderfully creepy support turn from character actor Tom Bower, Michael Bailey Smith, Ezra Buzzington, Robert Joy, a phenomenal turn from the late yet great Billy Drago (Nitti from 1989’s The Untouchables) as the film’s chief antagonist, and even a delightful appearance from iconic make-up artist Greg Nicotero amongst others it’s clear that yes this is not a perfect film by any stretch, but the performances in front of the camera do their part to make this as engaging a cinematic ride as it ultimately is.

All in all and at the end of the day is the 2006 stab at The Hills Have Eyes a perfect slice and dice of horror cinema by any stretch of the imagination known or otherwise? Honestly that is definitely not the case though in all fairness I don’t really think that perfection was ever something that this film was aiming to achieve. With that being said though, does that make this slice of cinema the worst thing to happen to horror cinema since the first Hills Have Eyes Part II all the way back in 1985? Thankfully, and happily too I might add, I can definitely say that is most assuredly not the case either. Yes this slice of cinema is definitely flawed especially in regards to the fact that our group of protagonists don’t always make the most brilliant of decisions in the world to say nothing of the fact that the level of suspense isn’t nearly as consistent as it ought to be. With that in mind though, there is no denying that the rest of the work done behind the camera is certainly more than capable at sending the appropriate number of chills and unease down your spine (and then some) whilst the work done by the undeniably talented cast of players in front of the camera does their part in certainly helping you feel bad, to an extent, for our family of terrorized travelers whilst consistently wondering just how in the world they are ever going to make it out of this nightmare to say nothing of if they will be able to do so in one piece. Suffice it to say then that the 2006 Hills Have Eyes might not be the next horror masterpiece in the vein of The Exorcist or the 1978 Halloween among others by any stretch, but all the same don’t be surprised if you find yourself kindly suggesting your family that maybe traveling by plane for the yearly vacation might not be the worst idea in the world. Make of that what thou will dear reader. On a scale of 1-5 I give The Hills Have Eyes “06” a solid 3.5 out of 5.