MPAA Rating: PG/Genre: Stop-Motion Animated Musical Fantasy/Voices of: Gregory Mann, David Bradley, Ewan McGregor, Christoph Waltz, Tilda Swinton, Ron Perlman, Finn Wolfhard, Cate Blanchett, Burn Gorman, John Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson/Runtime: 117 minutes

I think it is safe to start this review off by making a statement that I am sure the land of movie magic, now more than ever, is sure to become quite irked by. That being that for at least the next 3 decades we really don’t need any more cinematic takes on the story of the infamous wooden boy that is Pinocchio so please don’t make any more. I mean don’t get me wrong dear reader: even though Carlo Collodi’s timeless tale of this wooden boy, his surrogate human parent Geppetto (I say surrogate because let’s be honest: the tree he was carved from was his real parent), and Pinocchio’s conscience which takes the form of a talking cricket have seen some phenomenal cinematic adaptations like the 1940 animated take from Disney and Spielberg’s underrated sci-fi gem from 2001 that is A.I. Artificial Intelligence. However, here lately we have seen some cinematic efforts that have made me just downright fed up with this character. Indeed no one was crying out for Disney to hire the director of Back to the Future and Romancing the Stone to do a live-action/animation hybrid remake of the 1940 gem, no one certainly wanted a pair of distinct takes on the story that featured some guy by the name of Roberto Benigni in 2002, but for certain elements (and not in any way due to its quality) perhaps there is an audience out there for a version that not only has the vocal talents of Pauly Shore, but also sees Pinocchio shot with a firearm. Any way you look at it however, there is no denying that these recent endeavors have not only exhausted audiences’ patience and sanity, but they have also made it appear that there is almost nothing new or positive that can be gained from presenting this tale in a cinematic format. I say almost because only iconic film helmer Guillermo del Toro could manage to get ahold of this iconic story and be able to not only breathe new life into it, but also find novel paths to take this tale that is close to 140 years of age. Suffice it to say that it might have its issues, but there is no denying that Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio is a beautifully constructed and phenomenally performed animated slice of cinema that should please both kids and bigger kids (or adults) in equal measure.

The plot is as follows: Now, much like Zemeckis’ “take” on the story, this version of Pinocchio also gets underway by making it clear that the titular little wooden boy is very much meant to be a surrogate of sorts for the real son that Geppetto tragically lost. Yet, unlike the Disney version where all we know is that the boy heartbreakingly passed away, here we get an actual cause of death. Namely that, during the time World War I is just getting underway, a bomb is dropped on a church that Geppetto’s son was in at the time and…. I’m sure you can figure out the rest. At any rate, we soon see that the film decides to move forward about two solid decades to the 1930s where in the ensuing time Geppetto has become an avid alcoholic who spends his days grieving for his son and just isolating himself from the outside world in general. Things soon change however when, in an act of drunken rage, Geppetto decides to cut down the tree acting as the memorial for his son and carves out of it something resembling a male puppet in the hopes that what he carves could replace the son he lost. Yet no sooner does he get the rudimentary shape of a puppet all carved out of the wood do we see that our charming puppet maker’s alcohol-induced energy leave him and he proceeds to pass the heck out. During this time however, we soon see the arrival of a blue-in-color fairy named the Wood Sprite (you thought I was going to say Blue Fairy didn’t you?) who proceeds to both give this rudimentary puppet the gift of life as well as christen him with the name of Pinocchio. However, Pinocchio may be alive, but he doesn’t have the ability to distinguish right from wrong so what to do? Thankfully, a solution to that problem makes itself apparent in the form of a talking cricket named Sebastian J. who is a bit peeved since this wooden boy was made out of the tree he had recently taken up residence in but who (after being offered a nice bit of compensation from the Sprite) is willing to act as Pinocchio’s conscience. Thus, can our little wooden boy, with his cricket guide in tow, do what it takes to show he is willing to do what it takes to be seen as a real boy or will the variety of shady individuals lurking about including a fascist government official called the Podesta who sees the wooden boy as nothing more than a potential military recruit and a sleazy circus showman known as Count Volpe get the better of him? That I will leave for you to discover for yourself dear reader….

Now right off the bat, it should be noted that this take on Pinocchio is very much aware that a lot of people watching it are to some degree or another familiar with this story. Yet what makes this take so refreshing is how not only it fills in certain holes within the tale, but it also gives us some downright heavy moral concepts to ponder and also brings a genuine and relatable response to what could be seen at points as a tale of terror. Perhaps one of the key examples to be found of the aforementioned holes being filled in is that whilst most adaptations of this story just start with Geppetto being on his own, this version (with a co-scribe from no less than the quasi-sorta popular cartoon show Adventure Time) decides to showcase for us what this man’s life was like before the idea of Pinocchio ever crossed his mind or to be more specific the life and love he had with and for his human son. Thus by devoting time so that we can truly comprehend this relationship, it helps to showcase this tale in a new light. Along with that, since this IS a del Toro movie, he also ensures that we are able to see a bit of the dark side to this particular tale as well. A key example of this being that when Geppetto first sees that his drunken woodshop project has come alive he isn’t exactly thrilled, but more absolutely scared out of his mind (or thinking this is the worst hangover he’s ever had and that it might be time to give up the bottle). Finally, the other curious wrinkle in this narrative is the choice to plant (pun intended) Pinocchio smack dab in the middle of Fascism-friendly Italy in the 1930s much in the same vein as del Toro’s masterpiece Pan’s Labyrinth. Unlike in that film though, that time and setting isn’t utilized quite as well here as we see that, rather than going to Pleasure Island in this take, Pinocchio instead is sent off to My Little Fascist Summer Camp for Kids (or something to that effect). Yet even though this background does present a somewhat interesting and danger-filled scenario for these characters, there is a few things that it does better than anything else. Namely it makes Pinocchio really ponder his choices and life, but also plants the seeds for an incredibly potent emotions-wise wrap up to this slice of cinema’s narrative. With all of that in mind though, perhaps the key area where this slice of cinema truly soars behind the camera is in terms of the work that is done here by the undeniably talented team of animators. Indeed from the hairs on Geppetto’s beard, the moving joints on Pinocchio’s one-eared wooden body, Sebastian Cricket’s dead-eyed yet still expressive enough to NOT cause too severe of nightmares stare, and even the landscapes themselves this slice of cinema is more than just a wonderful film to watch, but also a genuine and magical tribute to the phenomenal skill that stop-motion animation can truly bring to a project like this.

Now it should come as no surprise to learn that the cast that has been assembled in this is really freaking good in their respective parts. This starts with Ewan McGregor who, as this slice of cinema’s take on Jiminy (here named Sebastian) Cricket does a fantastic job at not only grounding this film when it needs it, but also in giving the film quite a few of the laughs that it has up its collective sleeves all while distinguishing this character for this particular adaptation. This is because, unlike the righteous right off the bat Jiminy (at least in adaptations NOT directed by Robert Zemeckis), his cousin Sebastian J over here is an egotistical cricket whose belief in his own importance is gloriously exaggerated and who is more than just a wee bit annoyed that his new home has just been annihilated in order to make the titular wooden boy. Yet as the film goes on, we see that through his new role as Pinocchio’s conscience that Sebastian also manages to grow as well which culminates in a moment that will most likely result in a tear or 2 being shed. Suffice it to say it is a fantastic twist on this iconic character and Obi-Wan ehhh Ewan is genuinely terrific. We also get genuinely great work here from such dignitaries of the silver screen as Christoph Waltz who is perfectly slimy and despicable in his antagonistical role of Count Volpe, David Bradley whose wonderful take on Geppetto is perfectly in synch with certain changes made to the character in this take on the story, Tilda Swinton (again in a dual role) who is perfect casting here for the role of the Wood Sprite (read: Blue Fairy) who is responsible for giving Pinocchio the gift of life and in another part I shan’t reveal here, and frequent del Toro collaborator Ron Perlman whose character of the Podesta is very much an on-point reflection of a significant change made to this film’s narrative and one that Perlman is able to play absolutely perfectly to name but a few of the top-tier talent that have been assembled here. With all of those in mind though, there is no denying that the genuine star of this slice of cinema is none other than relative newcomer to the land of movie magic Gregory Mann in the role of the titular wooden boy. Indeed, Mann does a fantastic job at providing a vocal performance to this iconic character that proves to be an equal blend of lively, wild, and yet also just plain lovable as well. Indeed, be it going all over Geppetto’s house trying to figure out what the purpose of seemingly every item is or in happily making his way out of a certain item and acknowledging a group of characters in a moment I am being purposely vague about, there is no denying that not only is Pinocchio a genuinely amusing character to journey with here, but he is a brilliant counterpoint to the more unnerving moments and adult thematic concepts that are just as much a key to this film as he is.

All in all, now THIS dear reader is how you tell the story of Pinocchio in the year 2022. Sure, there were two others released this year, and sure one of those had Pauly Shore voicing a take on Pinocchio that got shot with a gun (seriously look it up) thus making for some unintentionally hilarious entertainment while the other had Tom Hanks “trying” to sing and also carry the entire movie on his back. In all fairness though, that first one is going to definitely be one for the midnight movie circuit whereas the other genuinely wooden effort can stay on Disney+ in its own little corner for all eternity (or until the Internet shuts down). As for this one, I know that it is only on Netflix for the time being, but I really do hope they release this on home media like The Irishman back in 2019 because I genuinely loved the heck out of this film. Indeed, it is quite the perversely beautiful thing that we are getting iconic film helmer Guillermo del Toro’s take on this iconic story so soon following that absolutely lifeless live action/animation abomination from Disney. I say that because, if you really stop and think about it, sure the House of Mouse’s animated works are phenomenally done, but their formula for adapting iconic stories for the kids and then taking away the parts that might to even the tiniest degree cause the parents to run the hundred-meter dash in 30 seconds for the remote in order to change it to something more “child friendly” can get pretty annoying at times especially when taking into account that this is the same freaking studio that gave audiences movies like The Black Cauldron which is still an underrated gem in my opinion. As a result, it is so delightful to see an adaptation of a story already told by Disney succeed mostly because they are willing to do what Disney wouldn’t with the second go-around. Namely by not making everything in the movie all sunshine and rainbows made of Skittles and by also vehemently refusing to be patronizing to either kids or their parents. Having said that though, I would not classify this slice of cinema as being “dark” or “grim” as much as I would say that it is one that is very much refreshingly demanding complete with truly intricate questions as well as genuine stakes for the characters with potential peril lying in wait that doesn’t involve such cartoonish things as Keegan Michael-Key as a con-artist fox. Yet when you also factor in jaw-droppingly gorgeous work behind the camera especially in regard to the work done by the stop-motion animation team as well as top-tier vocal performances in front of the camera by an incredibly well-chosen cast of players, there is no denying that for fans of del Toro, cinema, or just another genuinely good cinematic take on Pinocchio this is one time where wishing on the right star has paid off. Make of that what thou will. On a scale of 1-5 I give Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio “2022” a solid 4 out of 5.