MPAA Rating: R/ Genre: Horror/ Stars: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, Andrew Bryniarski, R. Lee Ermey, David Dorfman, Lauren German, Terrence Evans, Marietta Marich, Heather Kafka, Kathy Lamkin, Brad Leland, Mamie Meek; Narrated by: John Larroquette/Runtime: 98 minutes
“The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths…It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them an idyllic summer afternoon became a nightmare.” It was with this bone-chilling and soul curdling opening narration from screen icon John Larroquette dear reader that movie going audiences in 1974 quickly found themselves thrust head-on into a truly terrifying slice of cinematic pie that in the years since its release has gone on to be highly regarded. Not only as being one of the finest horror films ever made, but also for having one of the most iconic horror villains of all time period. Of course in the years after the release of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, we got about 2-3 money hungry sequels, one of which had none other than Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey, but of course we all knew that sooner or later someone was going to come along and take another swipe of the ol’ chainsaw at the one that started it all. So it was that in the far removed year of 2003 that movie going audiences were finally treated, courtesy of Michael Bay-founded Platinum Dunes, to a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that had a cast which was an equal mix of, at the time, rising young stars (with particular regard to Jessica Biel who was known at the time for her role as Mary Camden in 2000s TV staple 7th Heaven), a veteran of the screen in R. Lee Ermey in a co-starring role, a group of other assorted character actors, and John Larroquette returning to his iconic voice-only role as the narrator from the first one all the way back in 1974. With that in mind you’re probably wondering so how does it all play out? Well…..it’s not exactly terrible, but it’s not exactly a great slice of cinematic pie by any stretch of the imagination either. Suffice it to say that yes this one does have decent performances, a genuine and appropriate ominous atmosphere over the proceedings, and wayyy more blood and guts than the original would ever have thought about possessing. At the same time though, this slice of cinematic pie is also let down by the fact that not only is this one lacking the style over substance that the iconic original did so well, but that even with the positives it does have working in its favor it still feels completely unnecessary. Yes, there is still a sharpness to this particular chainsaw, but there is also a fair amount of rust as well thus making for a slice of cinematic pie that is surprisingly and thankfully good to an extent, but at the same time nowhere near as great as it could have been either.
The plot is as follows: Taking us back in time once more to a long gone time known as August of 1973, our film follows an intrepid group of young adults as they make their way in the sweltering Texas heat to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert following a brief dalliance across the border into Mexico. This group is made up of main girl Erin, her decent, goofy, loving, yet prone to certain temptations boyfriend Kemper, his bros Morgan and Andy, and a girl who they’re giving a lift to by the name of Pepper who has taken quite the liking to Andy. Unfortunately for our group, things are about to take a turn for the worst when they decide to pick up a dazed (but not confused) young woman who carries on about how “a bad man is going to kill them all” before deciding to take a gun she has had hidden on her person and, in front of our group of intrepid young people, blowing her brains out right then and there. A problem for a group not the least of which because they, unbeknownst to Erin, have a heck of a lot of marijuana in their vehicle. Nevertheless, the group begrudgingly decides to do the right thing and find a place with a phone so they can call the local authorities and have them come and take care of the body. Sadly by choosing to do the right thing, we quickly discover that our group has also decided to unknowingly place themselves in the sights of not only a local family that is both loonier than the Looney Tunes and who an almighty entity was probably thinking of when the word “dysfunctional” was brought forth into existence, but also the family’s main protector/enforcer; a psychotic and relentless behemoth known as Leatherface. A giant of a man who, feeling his family and their secret way of life is being threatened, swiftly and horrifically begins going after our group one by one thus triggering a terrifying conflict for no more and no less than pure survival….
Now right off the bat, I will say that this film, very much like the original, does manage to feel wonderfully dark and ominous right from the get-go. Yes, this movie does open in a manner that seems happy go-lucky courtesy of a sweet Lynyrd Skynyrd song, but there are hints of tension in the dialogue between the characters riddled throughout such as anytime the character Morgan opens his mouth that when things finally do go south in the worst way possible you get a chance to see these characters for who they really are in regards to both the good and the bad. In that respect I should also note that, aside from main heroine Erin, I can honestly say that one of my big gripes about this film is that no one else in the main quintet is really all that likable. I mean sure they have their moments where they are either genuine and/or heroic even, but by and large the other 4 young people in this film are outright jerks. Yes I can concede that this makes it easier to accept when they get bumped off in this film, but when your film’s villains are supposed to be downright reprehensible it helps to balance that out with protagonists who are somewhat the antithesis of that. Finally, I can also say that by and large from a technical standpoint this movie is fairly well made except for a pair of key elements. These of course being that this movie is neither nowhere near on the level of style over substance in the way that made the first one so terrifying nor does this one manage to get under your skin in the way that the first one did thereby evoking a feeling of true horror. I say that because whilst yes this movie is nowhere near as gory as it could have been, the fact still remains that it shows you a lot more than the original ever thought to. I mean if you go back and watch the original Chainsaw Massacre a lot of what makes that terrifying is not what you see, but rather what you don’t. In this one, you pretty much see what the original didn’t want you to see and whilst yes there are a few scares that work, it just feels like that bit of magic is gone. As for the other ingredient I mentioned, I say this is an issue because since the original was a low-budget indie film, it was filmed in a faux-documentary style that made you feel as if you were both watching a series of real events play out, and that you were in the room going through the horror with the main heroine thus raising the genuine horror felt quite a bit. With this one though, by being filmed more like a studio movie it manages to place a kind of barrier between you and the events occurring on screen to say nothing of feeling artificial to an extent thus this one doesn’t feel as scary as it could have been had they made it in the same manner that they did the original.
Now as for the cast in this film, I can honestly say that they are unfortunately by and large no more and no less than archetypes you’ve seen in this kind of cinema before. This is especially true for 4 of the young people at the heart of the film. Yes the actors playing them do good work, but more often than not it just feels like they are going off the check list of what is expected for their archetype rather than trying to bring anything distinct and/or novel to the characters. Thankfully, there are a few exceptions to this which manages to keep things at least mildly interesting from a character perspective. The first of these would have to be Jessica Biel as main heroine Erin. Indeed the costume department may have done a terrible job at making her look like mere eye candy, but Biel manages to give Erin a kind and decent yet also tough, take-charge attitude that really helps her hold her own throughout the film be it in dealing with her boyfriend’s stupidity early on or later on when she is forced to take on Leatherface by herself. Suffice it to say then that no the performance might not be iconic by any stretch, but it’s also by no means a bad performance either. I also really enjoyed R. Lee Ermey as Sheriff Hoyt in this. Indeed the best way I can describe this role to you is take the D.I. Ermey played in Full Metal Jacket, but make him a lot more sadistic and nasty in the best way possible. Indeed there aren’t many actors who could have fit this role to a t, but Ermey was certainly one of them. No it’s not the biggest part in the film, but Ermey makes it work all the same. This all leads me to actor Andrew Bryniarski taking over for Gunnar Hansen here as iconic horror villain Leatherface and honestly…..he actually does not do a bad job (shocking I know). I mean no it’s not entirely the same as the first time we saw this character back in 1974, but in all fairness the reason Bryniarski does a good job is because he manages to bring the hulking presence necessary for the character as well as a visceral brutality to say nothing of sheer ferocity and strength to the part. Yes Hansen will always be the definitive Leatherface and rightfully so, but this is a very close 2nd and honestly a take on the character I wish we could have seen more of than just this and 2006’s fair to mehhh Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.
All in all whilst the 1974 take on Texas Chainsaw Massacre is highly regarded as one of the best horror movies ever made, I think it is safe to say that the 2003 remake will sadly not be able to reach the same heights. At the same time though, that doesn’t mean this slice of cinematic pie is an outright disastrous affair akin to something in the vein of Gus Van Sant’s horrifically butchered stab at Psycho from 1998. Yes this movie is tragically unable to exercise the same sense of style over substance that has made the original a nightmare for generations, yes this movie is not able to get under your skin quite the same way, and yes by all accounts this movie is one which is completely unnecessary and didn’t honestly need to be made. At the same time though, the cast does do decent work, the mood is appropriately dark and ominous right from the get-go and especially when things start going south on our group of young people, there are a few scares in this which do manage to work, and the voice over narration work by John Larroquette at the beginning and end of the film is still just as appropriately bleak and grim as ever. Thus, this might not ever be seen on the same level as the truly terrifying original, but at least there’s still enough power in this chainsaw for it to be revved up and used a time or 2. On a scale of 1-5 I give The Texas Chainsaw Massacre “03” a solid 3 out of 5.
